Torn

Look how long it's taken to make my way back here! 
Time gets shorter and tighter as it slips through my hands and feet -
I try to finish a billion little things
as I juggle enormous tasks.

Has anyone realized how long it's been since I've posted? I'm trying to keep up with everything; work has a way of taking over. In the 20 years I've been teaching, the amount of work I bring home has increased dramatically. No matter what I do, I'm always behind. Added to that, my responsibilities to family (which should come first) as well as those to my advocacy organization; I often have a hard time keeping up with it all.  All I can say is... you should see my house!

I wish... I could read and write all day and then I wouldn't feel like I'm not doing everything I should be doing to complete ME.

Snow Day - a Teacher's Best Friend

Back in September, I wrote one of those "I'm frazzled!" posts, and haven't recovered since. Nothing has changed. In fact, things may have gotten worse.

I don't know that non-teachers would ever understand the incredible relief and joy I felt when school was cancelled for the past two days due to snow. I wasn't the only one stuck to the television and weather websites on Tuesday night, crossing my fingers, thinking "Please, oh please... please let's have a snow day!" I imagined I could hear my colleagues shouting YESSSSS! in to their phones as we got our snow chain calls late that night.

How shameful, you might think. Teachers have it easy, you might suggest. After all, teachers only work until 3, have summers off, and enjoy several holidays built in to the yearly calendar. So why the giddy excitement over a snow day?

Classroom teachers have it bad. I'm serious. It's gotten so out of control that the "teaching-is-my-life" mantra I used to wear like a badge, has become "teaching's gonna kill me, and lots of the folks I work with." I'm not exaggerating. Spend a day or two in my shoes and see what's happening.

Were it not for the pure satisfaction in watching children grow as readers and writers, the eye-opening discoveries that occur in math class, and the simple sense of community that comes from relationship-building, I would have totally lost it by now. However, in the scheme of NCLB and the desperation of local administrators to raise scores, time spent teaching and learning has decreased dramatically, while test-taking and useless transportations of paper have taken over.

I teach after school twice a week, and on Wednesdays I stay after for the required monthly staff meeting, as well as one or two additional "staff development" Wednesday meetings, often at the whim of my principal. On the two other days, I stay in my classroom after hours to clean up, and to be honest, to catch up. One school day can result in an enormous mess on one's desk, with no chance to get to it during the day. During the week I reach my home exhausted, with no desire to do much of anything. And yet, you can find me at my desk, after dinner, doing school work until 10 or so.

Typically, I spend most of my weekend at my desk in my chilly basement, grading papers, doing research for my lessons, locating appropriate reading materials (I don't have enough books at my students' reading and English levels), calling parents, and marking the numerous district assessments I am obligated to give - as well as completing special answer sheets and tracking sheets and data sheets. I also spend the weekend preparing fundraisers, planning and organizing parent workshops, and completing referral forms. I should not leave out lesson-planning, which is the most time consuming of tasks. Those that wish to control, rather than see what and how we teach, require pages and pages of descriptive lesson plans. (My principal has not stepped foot in my room even once this year...)

So yeah, I wanted these snow days. I prayed for them, danced, chanted, and wished for them.

Overwhelmed and ocupadísima

Some of my fellow twitterers and bloggers (who happen to be educators) have posted "I'm still here!" updates. It seems September has brought its customary rushing around to many folks, me included.

It is comforting, in a way, to know I'm not the only one with an over-heaped plate. That doesn't help me with my to-do list, though. Someone mentioned "mapping out" what one has to do, before setting out to do it all. That's exactly the habit I need to develop. I'm known for signing up for more work - chairing committees, organizing events, writing articles, presenting workshops, starting up new projects - only to become flustered when I can't get to everything properly.

Before the piles of paper get too high, before the projects become too numerous to keep track of, before I fall behind in my work and start making mistakes, and before I lose sight of the fact that I am a wife and mother first - I have to sit down and take a look at everything I've committed myself to. I'm not one to drop what I can't do. I just have to do a better job of managing everything.

So, I want my readers to know - I'm still here, bear with me please. I'll soon get everything under control and will get back to blogging regularly.

Cleaning is not Living

Esto de limpiar no me gusta –
no tengo tiempo y
hay muchas otras cosas que hacer.
Tampoco me fascinan los productos que compré
para que el trabajo sea más fácil –
once botellas de venenos líquidos,
latas de polvos cáusticos,
organizadas en el espacio debajo del lavaplatos.
Apenas las miro, me desanimo.

¿Por qué hay tanto que hacer?
Pasar aspiradora,
barrer la cocina,
desempolvar,
cambiar las sábanas,
quitar lo quemado del horno,
lavar ropa,
desinfectar el baño,
mapear los pisos,
buscar la mugre que se esconde en cada rincón…
qué aburrido.

¿Quién se distrae con toda esta mierda?

Mejor sería para mí
acomodarme en el sillón con mi gato,
leer mi libro,
mirar las noticias,
o ver alguna película que acaba de salir.
Quiero tomar y gozar de mi café
mientras mire los pájaros por la ventana,
disfrutar un juego de mesa con mi hijo,
tomar una siesta,
escribir…

Pero, tengo que encontrarme
con un trapo en la mano
en este fin de semana.

Mejor lo hago luego.
No vayas a pensar que soy una floja, pues
tengo muchas otras cosas que hacer.

Snow... Music to my Ears

There's a little excitement in my home today. The word is a "mega-snow" event is headed our way. The idea is uplifting to me, though I know it irks others.

Why, when I love teaching so much does the idea of a snow day make me giddy? Does my anticipation of a day off reflect on my work ethic? Or does it just mean I need a free day to LIVE, without the rushing around and stress of work?

I'll get to sleep an extra hour or so
and have time to slowly drink and savor the morning's hot cup of coffee.
I'll get to finish my book and do some writing.
My husband will make a hot lunch of soup,
served up with a sandwich he has invented.
I may sneak a nap in somewhere.
My son and I will watch an old movie favorite together,
covered up with warm blankets,
the cat purring between us.

Things will slow down a bit,
the mood will be peaceful,
as it always is on a snow day.

Friday after school, I lugged home an over-packed bookbag, filled with papers to grade, writing to edit, and lessons to plan. So, I'll do all of that today, Sunday, so I may enjoy tomorrow, Snow day.

It's nature's way of telling me to slow down, look around, live life.

I Wear an "S"

Friday evening and I'm feeling fine.

A week of intense lessons, two days of parent teacher conferences, after school programs, loads of paperwork, lesson plans, supervising my own child's homework, taking turns preparing dinner with "el jefe", and fighting the never-ending-sink-full-of-dishes... all of these and the incessant fatigue I try to outsmart and disguise...

I've made it through another week.

On my post "A Superhero Contemplates 40", the wonderful Nardeeisms commented "Cassy, you ARE Superwoman!" MIL GRACIAS for the encouragement, and for sharing a song about how it is.

Click and listen to Alicia Keys singing about women like us, here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xK8t0gP4isE